I’m 38 weeks pregnant with our first baby, and I should be feeling nothing but excitement and nerves about the birth. But instead, I find myself dreading one conversation more than the labour itself: telling my mother-in-law, again, that I don’t want her in the delivery room—and knowing she still won’t take no for an answer.
From the moment I started showing, she’s inserted herself into this pregnancy like she’s the one growing the baby. She’s told me what to eat, what not to eat, what brand of pram to buy, and how she gave birth “naturally with no drugs” like it’s some badge of honour I should be aspiring to. And now, she’s set her sights on being right there, in the birthing suite, when our baby comes into the world.
The problem is—she’s always thought of herself as the most important woman in my husband’s life. She raised him on her own for a while and has often referred to him as “her rock” and “her soulmate.” I used to think it was just her way of talking, but over the years it’s become very clear she doesn’t like sharing him with anyone else. When we got engaged, she sulked for weeks. When we bought our house, she offered unsolicited “advice” on everything from paint colours to where we should live so it would be more convenient for her.
And now that we’re having a baby? She’s gone into overdrive.
She says things like, “Of course I’ll be in the room—he’ll need me there,” or “I was there for his first breath, I should be there for his child’s.” When I try to politely tell her that I want a calm, private birth with just my husband and the midwife, she waves it off like I’m being dramatic.
“It’s not like you’ve done this before,” she told me last week. “I’ll know what to do when things get tough.”
The thing is, I’ve tried not to make this a battle. I’ve tried to be respectful, to involve her where I can—inviting her to the baby shower, including her in some of the planning, even letting her feel the baby kick when I wasn’t 100% comfortable. But this? This is my body, my experience, and the most vulnerable I’ll probably ever be. I can’t bear the thought of her hovering over me when I’m in pain, watching, judging, maybe even criticizing me in the middle of labour because I’m not doing it “her way.”
My husband is stuck in the middle. He agrees with me—he says he only wants to be there for me and our baby, and he doesn’t want her in the room either. But every time he tries to talk to her, she cries, says we’re pushing her out, and accuses me of turning him against her. She even told him, “You’ll regret not letting me be there,” like we’re doing something cruel rather than just setting a boundary.
And now the due date is looming, and I feel like a deer in headlights. I don’t want to cause drama, especially not at the hospital. But I also don’t want to compromise on something so intimate and important just to keep the peace.
I’ve started dreading the actual birth—not because of the pain or fear of the unknown, but because I’m worried she’ll show up at the hospital and push her way in. I’m already planning on letting the nurses know not to let anyone in without my permission, but it feels awful to even have to take those precautions. This should be a joyful, empowering moment—but instead I feel like I’m going into battle.
It’s hard to explain this kind of emotional tug-of-war to people who haven’t experienced it. On the surface, it probably seems like a mother-in-law just being excited about her grandchild. But it’s more than that. It’s the years of subtle put-downs, the possessiveness over her son, and the way she still doesn’t see me as an equal partner in this family.
So now I’m sitting here, typing this at 3am, baby rolling around in my belly, wondering what to do. How do you set a firm boundary without destroying the relationship completely? How do you say no, when “no” has never been accepted? How do I protect my space, my peace, and my birth experience… without starting a war I can’t finish?
